Am I a writer?/Acknowledging success.

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Am I a writer?/Acknowledging success.

Something happened last night that has made think about the way I define myself as a writer. As you can see from the blog title, I consider myself an aspiring author. I may not consider myself an author yet, but maybe I should consider myself a writer?

To put this into context, I need to explain that I grew up in England at a time when showing off was not something that was approved of. I do not why this was, but it has left its mark on me. I have a deep seated dislike of showing off. I do not have a problem with others doing it. If anything, I envy them. It occurs to me that I really need to think about it as publicizing myself rather than showing off. Oh, and to the people who knew me when I was the younger, brasher, version of me, I no longer have the confidence I once had, or the need to show off has left me as I have matured.

Even as I am thinking what I am about to write, I feel uneasy. I know I am going to mention a few things that I have done recently as a means to point out my own fear of admitting success, yet within this, I am unhappy that I am going to have to come too close to my concept of showing off. Then again, perhaps it is this very concept that I need to change? We may well find out by the end of this post. 

I was on LinkedIn and I saw a post that asked about the application process for Fringe Theatre Festivals. I had a rare moment of feeling ‘Hey, I know about that. I can answer those questions.’ So I did answer those questions. In the process I mentioned that I ended up writing a play called ‘The Poe Show’ http://ottawafringe.com/tickets/the-poe-show/ after I posted on Facebook that I fancied writing a play.

Another person (a professor no less) commented later on and asked ‘You did what??? Did you really write a play after posting on Facebook?’ 

It took me a moment or two to figure out that she was impressed. She asked if I minded if she shared it with her students as they would find it a hoot. I am naturally assuming they will find it a hoot in the positive sense. 

Interlude – I am sorry. I am going to stop for a moment and give myself a damn good talking to. I can’t even accept that the students will be positive about this. Back in a sec. 

A sec.

Back. Ok. I am going to write this next bit with gritted teeth. (Drat. If this were a letter, I could make a gag about putting ground teeth into the ink, but such is life in the modern age of technology). 

I created an opportunity out of nothing that led to writing a play. I wrote that play in two weeks. The play went on to win a Best of Fest award. I have since been asked to write two more plays as a result of this. A professor thinks this is worth sharing with her students. These are the facts. So why do I feel so uncomfortable acknowledging my successes? 

I simply do not know. I do know that I am getting increasingly annoyed with myself for not acknowledging them. So, I am resolved to acknowledge them. I have a feeling like taking bad tasting medicine. I am not going to like it right now, but in the long term, it will be good for me. 

Part of me feels that I cannot call myself a fully fledged author until I get a book published. I mean no disrespect to anyone who has written plays and had them produced. You have every right to consider yourself a writer, but hey, this is my blog, so it comes with my issues and insecurities. 

Wait. Ah goddammit. I just realised I am being an idiot. It is the difference between my concept of being an author and being a writer that is the problem. I do not see myself as an author, but that doesn’t mean I should ignore any success I have with my writing. Ah, a revelation. That felt good. I can call myself a writer and not feel (too) bad about it. (Hey, it is all part of the process right? I can’t it 100% right straight off the bat).

Well, that was an abrupt ending.

I do feel better though. I hope this post can make someone else feel better too.

Take care buddies,

David.  

 

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About davidmbeecroft

Hello and welcome to my blog. Please feel free to have an explore. My name is David Beecroft. I am 38 years old. I co-founded and ran a small scale touring theatre company called Screwed & Clued in 1998. I went on to tour the Canadian Fringe Theatre Festival circuit over the following five years. I have written six original plays, the last ‘The Poe Show’ won a Best in Fest award at the 2014 Ottawa Fringe Festival. I worked in a social care setting for ten years and now work in a special needs school. I have sent my first novel off to agents and considering self-publishing if that does not work. I co-host a radio show on Surrey Hills Community Radio called Daves of the Week where we feature charities for a six week period. I live with my fiance and two pet Degus. I started this blog when suffering from depression and attending therapy, so a large part of this blog was about my experience and thoughts of that. Since then I am in a much better place and I write about life after depression and how I stay (or try to) ahead of it happening again. I also like to look at the happier sides of life and try to put a positive spin on serious subjects.

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