New gardening job aka How much fun can a guy have with a leaf blower?

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New gardening job aka How much fun can a guy have with a leaf blower?

Oh sweet lord the answer is a guy (well, a guy like me) can have way too much fun with a leaf blower.

But, I am getting ahead of myself. My new job as a gardener left me sweaty, achy, green fingered and feeling like a man. However, my fiance would object most strongly to me actually having a man, so I contented myself with a quick thought about Ryan Gosling and moved on.

Warning – To all my female followers. Prepare yourself for the picture of me with my leaf blower. Or at least sit down before seeing it. It is pretty racy as you can see.

My first job was blowing leaves. As a child in a man’s body, I giggled at the blowing and sucking options on my bad ass leaf blower and then set to work. Visions of every 80’s action film I have ever seen or every fps I have ever played filled my mind. I was Arnie in Terminator 2 with the gatling gun shooting down helicopters; I was Ripley from Aliens melting eggs with a flamethrower; I was Max Payne shooting out the back of the crashed bus in Max Payne 3. And yes, I did pretend to bullet-time the leaves.

One interesting thing about leaves; for things that are designed to blow in the wind, they can be stubborn little buggers when confronted with a leaf blower. Some of them really wanted to hang out under the trees with their other leaf buddies, but I chased them away like a lady with a broom chasing away kids that are playing too loudly near her house.

Due to health and safety reasons, I had to wear ear protectors. There is a strange feeling when everything around you is making no noise and you are in your own bubble of silence. Odd thoughts crossed my mind. I had a Homer Simpson moment akin to when he discovers something new and uses it in every facet of his life. The only thing I could think of was making Gauri’s hair go crazy when I surprise attack her with the leaf blower as she comes through the door. I still might do it, just for giggles.

Then it was time for raking up the leaves, so I took the chance to practise some of my more deadly ninja moves with the rake and spun, and twirled and cut and slashed at imaginary enemies. When I had finished, I ended up in a total Bruce Lee pose, with the rake behind my back and my palm face out Tai Chi stylie. It was then that I noticed that some people from the business park next door had come out for a cigarette and were looking at me. So, I spun my rake around, slipped it through the handle of the bucket I was using, lifted it, and as it slid down the handle of the rake I caught it. Hmm, I wonder if I really am a ninja, but I am not aware of it. Like Jason Bourne.

Then it was time to pack up and finish for the day. I am only doing five hours a week, and I literally am working where I live, so that is very cool. Gives me time to blog and write and do whatever else it is that I do these days.

Oh, I nearly forgot. I found a shiny five pence piece. I pocketed it. Later, when I was racing for pink slips on Thunder Road, I dropped it and as I picked it up, someone opened the door and knocked me clean out. Luckily, Danny Zuko took my place and…No, I do apologise. I was thinking of the film Grease. I often get my own reality and that film mixed up.

And on that note,

Take care buddies,

David.

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About davidmbeecroft

Hello and welcome to my blog. Please feel free to have an explore. My name is David Beecroft. I am 38 years old. I co-founded and ran a small scale touring theatre company called Screwed & Clued in 1998. I went on to tour the Canadian Fringe Theatre Festival circuit over the following five years. I have written six original plays, the last ‘The Poe Show’ won a Best in Fest award at the 2014 Ottawa Fringe Festival. I worked in a social care setting for ten years and now work in a special needs school. I have sent my first novel off to agents and considering self-publishing if that does not work. I co-host a radio show on Surrey Hills Community Radio called Daves of the Week where we feature charities for a six week period. I live with my fiance and two pet Degus. I started this blog when suffering from depression and attending therapy, so a large part of this blog was about my experience and thoughts of that. Since then I am in a much better place and I write about life after depression and how I stay (or try to) ahead of it happening again. I also like to look at the happier sides of life and try to put a positive spin on serious subjects.

4 responses »

  1. Only Beecroft would be so blatant about advertising the fact that he is carrying out community service having been convicted of stealing 36 hoovers from Comet in an attempt to reverse engineer a hoverboard.

    Like

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