First off, I am going to stop apologizing for rambling. I do it too often (ramble and apologise) and it will save time if we all agree that it is going to happen.
I am especially rambly today as my brain goes missing the day after therapy. I was just in town to meet Gauri quickly while she was on a lunch break, and I mentioned that my head after therapy feels like my head does after sex. You know that peaceful feeling after sex where the brain is empty and peaceful? I feel like that today. I think of it as a brain orgasm of emotions. Apparently, in over four years of being a counsellor she has never heard of a post therapy experience being described like that. So, I get an A for originality.
I woke up in a daze and with as yet unrealised symptoms of food poisoning and checked my phone. To my delight, I saw that John Rapp had posted on Facebook that the latest episode of The Chris Brake Show was out and that my name was on the poster for the show. I thought ‘Hey, that’s cool. They put my name on the poster. That was nice of them.’
I know poster is not the right word, but I cannot for the life of me think what it actually called right now, and I am sure that you know what I mean.
This got me thinking about posters. Back in the dawn of time when I was in Screwed & Clued Theatre Company, we used to put up hundreds of posters up in each town we were doing our shows in. Ye Gods, I hope that one day Gaia will forgive us for our seriously un-environmentally friendly actions. I think that is why I am so obsessed by recycling now. I am trying to pay off that debt.
I sat down with a coffee and listened to the show still vacantly staring at my computer screen and figuring out what was what. Then I heard John talk about me. My first thought was not ‘Cool, they are giving me a shout out on air’ but ‘David, why did you think they only put your name on the poster?’. How can I miss something that obvious? It always makes me laugh when people say I am clever. I can be sometimes. I can also be tear inducingly dumb sometimes. Still, such is life.
I then did think ‘Cool. They gave me a shout out on air.’ and my sincere thanks for that. It was a really great episode by the way, so you should check it out.
Oh, and I have been listening to the early episodes and I think they have upgraded the site where the show is broadcast from, so it has a funky new screen.
I also have food poisoning today. I wrote this on Facebook, and I thought I would add it here for the fun of it.
‘Dear Chicago Town Take-Away Pizza.
Thank you so much for the delightful ball of hair and sponge I ate last night when trying your pizza. I must say, it is an unusual choice of topping. Thank you also for the food poisoning I think you have also given me. The inside of my mouth is rocking back and forth in the shower trying to repress the memory.
I have one final thought that my therapist was a bit stumped by. In fairness to her, if you think I am random in here, you should see me in therapy. I don’t know she makes sense of anything I say. Anyway, I asked this question:
With the id, ego and super-ego being what they are, how do I know that the part of my brain that tells me to be nice to people is not a part of my brain that wants me to be unhappy? What if that part knows that by trying to be nice I will suppress my anger and ultimately be unhappy. What if that part of my brain is in disguise and thinking ‘Nailed it. I have totally suckered this guy into taking shit and feeling bad about it?
She couldn’t answer and I have explained it way better here than I did yesterday. I am not sure what to think about it yet and I am mostly incapable of thinking anything at all today. I would welcome any thoughts on the subject.
Take care buddies,