Happiness can be an elusive and fleeting thing. Or is it? This is what I woke up thinking about today. I arose from the depths of slumber into wakefulness and thought ‘I am happy because there is someone in my life that wants me to be happy.’ This has not always been a factor in my life. I am not saying people wanted me unhappy, but that their happiness tended to come before my own. However, that is in the past, and the present is what I am focussing on. So, first off, thank you Gauri for letting me do things that make me happy.
I wondered why I was even thinking about it. Surely, it is so obvious that I should not have to make a conscious effort to be aware of it? I agree that this should indeed be my default setting, but what is and what should be can be worlds apart. I have an ongoing discussion in my head between realising that I should be happy and grateful for what I have and letting the lesser side of me take over and think ‘It all sucks.’
I think it is so easy in this day and age to think ‘My book hasn’t sold, my blog isn’t doing well, my youtube vids are not getting noticed, my song is not getting played etc etc etc. I think part of this is due to the instant knowledge we get nowadays when things take off. So and so has gone viral, or so and so has a million hits on their blog or youtube. I admit that part (and more part than I like) is down to jealousy. Yes, jealousy is a green eyed bugger. I find myself thinking, and I do not like this about myself, ‘Why haven’t I got an agent, more followers, more likes etc.’
Then again, at times like this, I wonder why I feel that way? I should be applauding those that do well and seeing it as encouragement that good things can happen. I do feel that way now. I know a lot of cool people doing cool things, and with some of them, I am lucky enough to get to do cool things with them. I hope that these people get the breaks they deserve. I have just realised something. Have I been thinking about success as a limited concept?
Bear with me.
I think I have. I have been seeing others do well and thinking my chances of doing well have diminished as a result. Dammit, that is some dumb thinking right there. There is not a finite number of things that go viral or make the best sellers list. Where the hell did I get that idea? Do we live in a world where the concept of becoming the next big thing has turned into a sprint rather than a jog with others to get there in the end? It does make me think of the repeated line from the X-Factor ‘I have to make it. This is my last chance.’
I have never understood this logic. For an 18 year-old to say this is their last chance is baffling. Where did this idea of only having one shot at fame come from? I guess the show itself is partly responsible, but then again, am I also at fault for partly buying into the need to make it fast? Besides, there are manifold stories of people making it after years of trying. Is this the point? Not succeeding at the first attempt is not failing for ever. It can be a step towards making it eventually.
So, I figure it is a balance. I should remember that I am happy and that things are all in process. If I don’t get an agent today, it does not mean that I will never get one. I am going to try and ignore the idea that there is always something more needed; whether it be a new car, a bigger house or whatever. I am content as I am for the moment and trying to rush a process takes something away from that process. No more chasing rainbows for a while. I will be appreciatively happy of the things I do have.
Take care buddies,