In Therapy with Myself.

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In Therapy with Myself.

I have done a lot of self-reflection recently. The problem with this is that it is much like looking in a mirror. At first I think ‘Ok, looking good’ but the longer and more closely I stare, the more the imperfections and flaws are noticeable. I often feel like I am both the therapist and client in my head and this week I have felt more like the client, so this is my way of being the therapist and making sense of what I am telling myself.

Client: I have a conundrum and a paradox rolled into one. I want to talk about something and at the same time I do not want to talk about it. If I talk about it, I am admitting I think it and I do not want to admit I think such things. In a strange way, it is the not wanting to talk about it that makes me think I should. If I do not want to discuss it, then perhaps others do not want to say it, so maybe if I do, then they can feel more at ease to talk.

Therapist: What is it that you do not want to talk about?

C: I have realised a few things this week. The first thing I noticed was that I am now aware of knowing when something is bothering me but that it might be another few days before I realise what it is that is actually bothering me.

T: How does that feel?

C: On the one hand it is good because I know I can now sit with it and accept that I am feeling a certain way and that the whatever the problem is will probably come to me eventually.

T: On the other hand?

C: It is horrible because I am sat with this horrible feeling in me and I can’t lance that boil without knowing what is causing it. I just have to sit there and try and contain the hurt, or upset or whatever it is and try not to let it come out at other people.  But, I do feel a sense of improvement in that I now know that there is a problem and rather than getting angry and not knowing, I can relax a bit, relax in a kind of way because I am not just getting angry and not knowing.

T: You accept that not knowing is ok?

C: Sort of. I feel a bit better about it at least. Better than knowing that I don’t know about any of it. Or that only makes sense looking back at when I didn’t know I didn’t know and how I used to react to not knowing. Now, I know I didn’t know at that was part of the problem.

T: I get the sense that you are going back and forth between how you think you used to be, how you feel now and how you want to feel in the future?

C: Yes. It is the past, I think, that affects me most about how I see myself now. How I see myself as I used to be, how people saw me, or how I think people saw me, it all bleeds over into the present and dyes my perspective on others and myself.

T: Can you give an example?

C: This is hard to say, I realised that I have spent a while thinking that people hate me. I get that they probably don’t or at least not all of them, but that is what I have been feeling. I can see now that it is a unfair view, but that doesn’t stop the thoughts creeping in and me believing them for a time, I can come out of it and say I am being silly, but the feeling is still there, or the memory of the feeling. I don’t like thinking things like that. It seems crazy.

T: Do you think you are the only one that thinks like that?

C: No, probably not. I do not think I have enough self-esteem to believe I am that original. I don’t think like this all the time you know? I have my good days, I have very good days. I don’t feel hopeless merely concerned that I feel this way sometimes and sometimes is too much for me.

T: What makes you think people hate you?

C: Weirdly, it was talking to someone and realising they really didn’t hate me, in fact that they really liked me and that made me feel stupid for wasting so much time thinking people hated me. That is the thing right there. I keep doing this thing where I sort one problem in my head out and rather than feeling better about myself, I go straight to looking for another thing to worry about. It is like a dependancy. Or a habit might be a better word. I have got into the habit of looking for the worst in myself. Then again, and this is a good thing, if I have realised that I am aware of when things bother me, then I am aware that I am step closer to resolving them. Isn’t that what life is? A constant search for ways of looking at it be a happier person? It might not always happen fast, but what I find comfort in is that I am still trying, that I will always try. I don’t know if any of this makes sense.

T: Isn’t that what you are saying? That it is ok for it not to make sense now? That it will make sense at some point and that is ok too.

C: You know what? That is what I am saying. It is ok to feel bad at times, but it won’t last forever. It is ok to not know what the problem is because it will be revealed at some point and then I can deal with it. I think my time is up. I will see you next week.

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Author Andy Rumbold Interview on Dave of the Week Radio Show 8.4.16

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Author Andy Rumbold Interview on Dave of the Week Radio Show 8.4.16

On this week’s show I was very fortunate to interview author Andy Rumbold about his debut novel ‘The Last Fiesta’ which has been shortlisted for the People’s Book Prize. Andy also shares his thoughts and tips about writing, his writing influences and rituals and much more. There is also my round up of happy and unusual news from around the world and some cracking music to go with it. Simply hit the play button below and please add your thoughts, comments and any happy news that you want to share.

Happy news on Dave of the Week Radio Show 25.3.16

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Happy news on Dave of the Week Radio Show 25.3.16

Looking for a combination of happy and unusual news and great music? I have just the thing for you. Listen back to my show on the Mixcloud link below. Feel free to let me know about any good news you have and I am happy to share it. 

Batman v Superman – What the hell are the characters thinking?

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Batman v Superman – What the hell are the characters thinking?

Let me say straight off the bat that this will contain spoilers, but not too many because the main point of this post is that I do not get what motivated the main characters in this movie. I will also say that I did not hate this movie in the same way a lot of people do. I have seen plenty of movies that were a lot worse.

My main issue with Batman v Superman is that nothing the main characters did made any sense to me. If any of them had seen a decent therapist for even one session, I think they all would have said ‘Oh, my whole reasoning is flawed and I won’t do what I had planned because it is (sorry, but I have to say this) Batshit crazy.’

I should also say that I avoided any pre-movie news or publicity, which I my way of saying that I did not know obvious things, so don’t be surprised if some of the things I am about to say seem dumb.

Final admission, I am coming at this with no real knowledge. It has simply been bothering me for a few days and I wanted to get it off my chest.

So. let’s start.

Lex Luthor Jnr (Or at least I think he is a Jnr).

I did not understand why this character did anything. At the start I did not even get that he was Lex Luthor. All I thought was Jimmy Olsen is acting a bit weird. He looked more like a Jimmy Olsen right? (Please see my explanatory comments about saying seemingly dumb stuff). I now understand that the character was meant to be Lex Luthor Jnr, but this is a problem in itself. Should a movie goer need to be fully up-to-date with movie news or DC lore to see a movie and have it make sense? Anyway, I digress.

In one scene, Lexie Jnr talks about how his dad beat him etc and grew up in poverty. Ok, fair enough. The jump from this to Superman must die is a leap that even Superman could not make. I am more than willing to say that I missed something, but I did not get an understanding of what Lex’s problem with Superman was. Or was it that Superman was too powerful and Lex was jealous? Or that Superman got it all too easy?

Why did Lex want Batman and Superman to fight if he was going to create Doomsday anyway? If you run a multi-billion dollar company like Lexcorp I would expect Lex to have a basic understanding of time-management and cost-reduction. The whole Batman plan took two years to put together and in the end it did not even work and he went with the Doomsday plan. Why not just cut to the chase and go straight to Doomsday? It is not like Lex cared about innocents dying or anything, so doesn’t it make more sense to go with the crazy strong Super-villain to begin with? Evil geniuses are not what they used to be.

There is something I have just thought of. Lex seemed bummed out that his Kryptonite was stolen by Batman. Maybe he did not know it was Batman who stole it, but shouldn’t he have wanted Batman to have it anyway if he wanted Batman to kill Superman? Lex could have just had the following conversation with Batman.

L: ‘Hey Batman, we both hate Superman right?’

B: ‘Yup.’

L: ‘Want some Kryptonite so you can kick his ass?’

B: ‘Sounds good.’

Job done.

This is my main problem with what Lex did. Why did he not give the cute Asian PA the day off instead of sending her to be blown up at the Superman hearing? Good PA’s are hard to find and she was super cute, so why not send her to do some photocopying or something? It was not like she was integral to the bombing plan. Dick move Lex.

One more thing on Lex, but I guess this is not totally his fault. Why did they shave his head at the end? Did he have lice? Was it a lice thing? Or did they think ‘Hey his Dad was bald, so maybe we should shave his head so he looks more like his Dad?’ That is some pretty messed up reasoning there Mr Prison Guard.

Wonder Woman.

Did she spend most of the movie trying to get her hands on a photo of herself from 1918? Why bother? Who would care? She could have said it was photoshopped. Or deflected attention by saying ‘Hey, wait, I might be old, but what about this Superman guy who is going around trashing cities. Let’s hate on him instead.’

This is something my brother mentioned, but why didn’t they give Wonder Woman the Kryptonite spear and let her kill Doomsday? She was doing well enough with her regular sword and shield. Imagine how well she could have done if she had a weapon made of something that Doomsday was really, really allergic too? Batman and Superman could have called it a day and gone for a cup of tea and a scone.

Superman.

Was it me or did Superman just mope around and be a complete downer in this movie? I am not letting the fact that I hate Superman cloud my judgement here (Tee hee, I totally am) but I wanted someone to slap him and say ‘Cheer up. People might hate you, but what are they going to do about it? Fly to another planet and take a break. Or, have some cake to feel better. Just lose that stupid face you are pulling in every scene.’ Superman is a twat. At this point I think it is fair to say I wouldn’t have cared if Superman’s motivations made sense.

Batman. 

As you may have guessed, the main reason I wanted to see this movie was to see Batman punch Superman in his super stupid face. I loved The Dark Knight Returns graphic novel, where this movie stems from. The difference is that the graphic novel was awesome and the movie managed to take all the best ideas and throw them in a hole in the ground instead of using them.

In the graphic novel, Superman was sent to kill Batman and Batman was up for that fight for many reasons I won’t go into now. In the movie Batman wanted to kill Superman because…err…Superman destroyed one his buildings or something? Bruce Wayne is a billionaire so he had lots of other buildings or could have built new ones. Batman destroyed a bunch of buildings in the Batwing and Batmobile, but he did not seem to be bothered about it. The same goes for Batman hating Superman because people died when Superman fought Zod. Batman killed a bunch of people too, so hypocritical doesn’t even come close.

Batman said a few time that ‘Superman could burn this whole planet to the ground.’ so he has to die. Pretty extreme reasoning there. Anyone who is a threat to the human race must die. Taken to an extreme logic, this could equate to potentially everyone is a threat to the human race, so everyone must die. I have this image of Batman being the last person alive and thinking ‘At least there are no more threats to the human race now.’

As bizarre as Batman’s reasons for hating Superman are they are nowhere near as weird as his sudden reason for not hating him. The whole fight to the death thing was ended because Batman found out Superman’s mum had the same name as his mum. Seriously. I have seen the movie and I can’t believe what I have just written.

Flip this reasoning. Superman must die because he is a threat to the human race. Batman makes the decision not kill him because their mum’s share the same name. The survival of the human race is less important than mum’s sharing a name. I think the idea was that Batman realises that Superman can’t be all that bad because he has a mum and his mum has the same name as Batman’s mum, so he is probably a good guy. This makes no sense. The name of the mother has no bearing on how the child turns out one way or the other.

I know none of this is real, and I am taking it all way too seriously, but I really wanted to love this movie. This is my getting over it. My therapy to deal with a sucky film. As I said, if they had all gone to a good therapist… Actually, if Zack Snyder had gone to a therapist with this movie idea, hopefully they would have said ‘Do not make this movie. You are thinking crazy right now.’