Somewhere in the middle is the right place to be.

So, I have been thinking about a few things this week. They all pretty much centre around ‘how to be’ in this modern world of ours. I have been oscillating between two extremes in terms of points of view. If someone upsets me for instance, I go from ‘Screw them. That’s why you don’t help people.’ to ‘Well, they might have been upset about something else, so I better not judge them and they are probably more in need of sympathy because of it.’ I tie myself up in knots trying to see things from other people’s point of view and react accordingly. It is bloody exhausting and I never seem to know what is the right thing to do in the end.

I wondered if there is such a thing as hyper self-awareness. It seems that there is. I feel almost painfully aware of how others might be feeling and probably cause myself emotional harm in doing it all the time, even to the extent that I would rather defend someone who is blatantly in the wrong that have them feel bad for being wrong. This sounds silly as I type it.

As a result, I am thinking where to find my middle ground. The more I thought about it, the more simple it seemed to me. Well, in theory anyway. I have tended to have problems with putting good ideas into practise. However, I shall endeavor to keep trying. It seems to me to boil down to finding a sensible place between two opposites.

Be honest but not cruel. Be thick skinned but remain kind inside. Be helpful but don’t be a doormat. Be confident yet not arrogant. Be generous but don’t give everything away. Be passionate but not overbearing. Know the difference between banter and venom. (The last one is a throwback to my high school days, but I think it stands the test of time).

As I said, it seems simple enough. Now to go and try to put into practise.

Take care buddies,

David.

David’s Thought of the Day 75.

Perhaps the trick is having a thick skin yet retaining a kind soft inside. Much like a Cadbury’s Cream Egg.

Daves of the Week Radio Show discussion topic – What makes a local community in 2015?

What makes a local community in 2015? What can/do people do to encourage a sense of community? Or is a sense of local community a thing of the past? These are the questions we are posing for the discussion topic on our show Friday 30th Jan at 9.00pm.

Like many things with me, I am more interested in what other people have to say than forcing my thoughts on others. So, what do you think on the subject? You don’t have to be local to Surrey to have an opinion as I believe it is a universal topic.

Feel free to check out and (if you want to) like our FB page on

https://www.facebook.com/davesoftheweek

or tweet us @davesoftheweek

We look forward to hearing from you.

Take care buddies,

David.

What next?

What next? This is the question I am asking myself at the moment. As I feel this is going to be a post that that is therapeutic for me rather than something I think people will be desperate to read (but hoping a few people do anyway) I figure I might as well be honest.

I thought I would have an agent for my book by now. Call it what you will; overly optimistic, using a positive mental attitude, misguided, arrogant or plain stupid, it all boils down to this feeling of ‘Dammit. Why don’t I have an agent yet?’ Now, I know it takes time and even the best writers get rejected etc etc etc but it feels like when you are single and people say ‘Don’t worry. You will find someone. The right person for you is out there.’ Now this is great advice, but it doesn’t stop the loneliness of being single and the thoughts of ‘Screw that. I want someone now!’

Yet I also know it is out of my hands now. I have made the book as good as I can and the rest lies in the whims of capricious fate/agents. It is much like chucking your baby out into the world alone and saying ‘Good luck buddy.’ You hope it will be fine, but once you have let go, it is out of your hands.

Now I face an almost daily challenge between trying to remain positive and influence the universe with my willpower (much like a modern day Sauron but of a more benevolent nature) and thinking ‘Well, this isn’t working, so I need to try something else or something different.

What is that pull to do something else when your current project doesn’t seem to working? Actually, scratch that, what is that push to do something different? A pull feels like an attraction. A push feels like fear. I feel more pushed than pulled at present.

I think fear is a good word. Terrified is better. What if I can’t make one of my dreams in life come true through my own inability to do so? Wow, I have hit a new level of power in being able to bum myself out. Self-doubt is a real bugger. Self-doubt influenced by others is worse.

So, what to do next? My brain, helpful as ever is currently playing the lyrics to ‘Should I Stay or Should I Go’ in my head.

(The cursor is blinking at me waiting for a conclusion).

Well tough luck Mr Cursor. If I don’t get a conclusion then you certainly don’t.

(Blink, blink, blink.)

It is hard to trust the universe when it has been unkind to you. It is hard to trust karma when you try to do good things and it doesn’t seem to be reciprocated. It is hard to have faith in the future when you know the future is a place of surprising twists (both good and bad) that you can never see coming.

All that we have left is ourselves. Our belief, our courage, our hope and our strength to carry on when it all seems impossible. Aside from giving up, what else is there?

And that Mr Cursor is all the conclusion you are going to get.

Take care buddies,

David.

Daves of the Week – First Show.

We did our first show on Friday 16th Jan and I must say I had a fantastic time.

Let me set the scene for you. I walked to the station an hour before the show started as we wanted to get ready and try and calm down before the show at 9.00pm. This only partially worked. Nothing was going to allay our nerves completely. I arrived. The lights were on and the foyer looked busy. ‘Ooh,’ I thought. ‘They are throwing us a party to celebrate.’ Have I mentioned before I have a slightly overactive imagination?

In fact, it was more awesome than a party. A group of local Scouts were on the show before us taking turns to talk to the presenter about all things Scouty. How cool is that? Seriously, what a great experience to be given. I even heard how to make a fire, which is good as it has been a very long time since I was a Scout so I have no chance of remembering.

Then before we knew it was time to go on air. Our very kindly, patient and helpful Phil reminded us how to operate the controls. I was the pilot for the evening so I was in charge of the little beauty below. I am a bit of a geek at heart but look at the technological wonder of it. So many lights and switches. Oooh!

Fun story. Five minutes before we went live, the computer decided to be funny and re-boot the system. This entailed it having to reload the 28,000 songs on the system. We were told ‘This virtually never happens.’ So I just laughed and thought ‘Lucky us.’ Seriously, it was fine. I am a little bit impressed it didn’t throw us off our game, well, if we had any game to begin with, but I think we managed with admirable English resolve. Stiff upper lip and all that.

I managed not to break the controls or have dead air (Yay me!) and I think I ran the controls smoothly enough. I am being gentle on myself as it was my first time. (That sounds a bit dodgy right?) Anyways, we had a very kind person mention that they could hear us rubbing our hands together when on air. The microphones are very sensitive and this combined with my excessive palm sweat due to nerves (yes, I know, I am a sexy beast) meant that people could hear it. I apologised and sat on my hands.

I also had a very bad back (I still do) so I was kindly given some painkillers. I did feel a bit rock and roll as within twenty minutes of being on air I was popping pills. Paracetamols for a bad back is not exactly Keith Moon drug use, but still…a tiny bit rock and roll? Surely?

The first hour was a bit bitty, but we relaxed more in the second half and things went more smoothly. We even got some people to message us with song requests and comments for our discussion topic, which is not bad for a first show. The time flew by and we were into the last ten minutes of the show.

After the show we even got to record a quick voice over to advertise our show on the station. It took thirty seconds. Seriously, I have said it once and I will say it again. Technology is awesome.

Feeling slightly dehydrated through nervous sweat and excited/relieved the first show being done, we went to a pub across the road for a celebratory pint. Which I think is altogether the correct thing to do.

Our second show is Friday 23rd Jan. Things will really start to ramp up in Feb as we have a few new things for the show and other exciting shenanigans.

You can find out more on our FB page

https://www.facebook.com/davesoftheweek

and while you are there, please feel free to like, share, tell your friends etc.

Take care buddies,

David.

Jimmy Saville, Oscar Pistorius and Bill Cosby walk into a bar…

Sounds like the start of a joke right? Somewhere it probably is. The question I am wondering is, should it be? Is there a difference between using humour to try and cope with something tragic and making a joke about something tragic that has nothing to do with the person making the joke?

I need to point out that I have made more than my fair share of bad taste jokes. I am not here to be judgemental. I do feel bad about making those jokes the more I think about what I see when I turn on the TV or read something on Facebook. It is something that is intriguing me more and more, but it is a sick sort of intriguement. I feel uneasy even thinking about it.

As soon as I heard about Jimmy Saville, my first thought was ‘how long will it be before the first joke comes out?’ I think it was a matter of days. Let’s think about that for just a second. Britain’s worst ever sexual offender was joked about in an alarmingly short period of time.

The same can be said for Oscar Pistorius and Bill Cosby. I do not know for certain if Pistorius killed Reeva Steenkamp on purpose or by accident nor do I know if the allegations against Cosby are true. I do think that if you are the family or friends of Steenkamp that it must hurt like hell every time you hear a joke about her death. If Cosby isn’t guilty, he is jokingly being referred to as a rapist on a regular basis and if he is guilty, jokes are being made about women being drugged and raped on a regular basis. Tee-fucking-hee.

If I seem angry it is because I am. I am not getting angry in a self-righteous way and saying ‘How could anyone laugh at this?’ I have laughed at this. I am simply feeling disgusted at myself for doing so. I do acknowledge that as a society we often use humour to deal with the horrors that sometimes happen. I do wonder if it is necessary to do this via The Golden Globes for instance. Is an awards shows the best place for it?

I don’t know what to make of it all. The thought that has been stuck in my head for a while is this. If you were a child that suffered the horror of being molested and whilst watching TV you saw a joke about Saville’s paedophillia, would you find it funny? Is laughter really the best medicine in this instance?

I am all for freedom of speech, but shouldn’t this freedom be treated respectfully? Just because we can say anything, does it mean we have to say anything? I think there is a choice that should at least be considered. Some people claim freedom of speech as a defence against saying anything they want to, no matter how repugnant. I am not sure I want to be like that. I hope to choose what I say with more compassion in future.

Which brings me back to something my brother once said to me. He was talking about Tommy Cooper, who is one of the funniest people I have ever seen. My brother said ‘The only person Tommy Cooper ever took the piss out of was himself.’ No vitriol and no trying to say the most offensive thing possible to get a reaction. He simply relied on actually being funny. Then he went and died on stage in the middle of an act. People thought it was part of the act and laughed as he died. He probably would have loved that and if that isn’t funnily tragic, I don’t know what is.

David’s Thought of the Day 73.

Does anyone else think that electricity companies and makers of mobile phone batteries/chargers are in cahoots? All my phone does is run out of battery after doing not much of anything and then needs charging for ages before it runs out of battery and needs charging again. It is very suspicious if you ask me.

What is Happiness? – Thoughts while Self-Therapising.

So, I stopped proper therapy in November of last year. I did this because I didn’t think I needed it anymore. I do still have moments, like most humans, when I struggle a bit or have an idea that feels like I should discuss it in therapy. So, using David style logic, which is the only logic I really know how to use, I decided I would give self-therapising a go. Like many of my posts, this is me thinking out loud, but as always, if it can help anyone else along way (or if anyone else wants to help me by providing the seeds of an idea that can be planted in the fertile soil of my mind) then all good.

I have had this thought stuck in my head for a little while. What is happiness these days? I got this idea due to people’s predilection on Facebook to say something along the lines of, and in true Garfield mode ‘Argh. It’s Monday.’ On a slight side note, does anyone else feel bad for Mondays? Mondays take a lot of stick for being the day most people go back to work on, but this isn’t really Mondays fault. I am confident it was not at the meeting when this was decided and therefore is an unwitting recipient of vitriol through no fault of its own.

Still, all that aside, people seemed really bummed out about Mondays. This makes me sad. I don’t like people not being happy. As a former depressive, it sucks to think other people are feeling down. So, I got to thinking. Are people happy in their jobs? I am guessing not if they dread going to work so much they take it out on poor little old Mondays. As usual, there is no judgement here. I spent four years in a job I hated that pretty much gave me two nervous breakdowns and it took me way longer to leave than it should have.

So, if people are in jobs they don’t like are they earning money to make them happy? Maybe. I don’t know. I am not currently earning that much money at the moment, but when I do hit the big time, I am so getting the Butler I have always wanted. Don’t worry, I will be nice to him. His chief job will be to bring me Martinis on a silver tray and make Jeeves style comments on my misadventures.

I do love the East/West divide on whether money brings happiness. I am sure it can but I guess it can make people unhappy too. I think of it in the same way I think of guns. Money itself isn’t bad, it is what people do with it that makes the difference. I believe I will become mega-rich to find out if it makes me happy. If not, I can alway give it away to charity. Win win right?

What about relationships and love? They must make people happy for sure? Again, maybe, maybe not. Divorce rates are through the roof. This might be to do with people getting in dumb relationships in the first place. I can speak about this with authority. I was single for five years as I was ok with being single rather than being with someone for the sake of being with someone. You should have seen the size of my right arm.

I am lucky enough to be in a great relationship right now. I am very happy. Sadly, I feel really bad about being depressed during parts of the relationship as it now feels douchey to not have appreciated it more. I am making up for it now though. Which is why my other half is getting a top notch dinner tonight. I say top notch, it is home made turkey burgers, but it will be made with love. Well, made with turkey mince, burger buns and love, but you get the idea.

Perhaps it is not thinking that I need to be happier in the first place? Hmm, I kind of like that. Maybe, it is by appreciating what is actually in our lives that makes us happy and not constantly searching for more things to make us happy when we are already happy that is the key? Or is the key for me. This is my self-therapising session after all, so you can either see a proper therapist, self-therapise or if you are beyond the boundaries of fear, get me to therapise you to figure that out for yourselves.

I can’t remember where it is from, but a line is coming to me now.

‘I am exactly where I need to be right now.’

That seems a good place to be and the proof that particular pudding is that I am happy with where I am. I know it doesn’t seem like much to others, but it seems a lot to me. I am indeed a humble bumble. I am also clearly a very tired bumble as I just wrote ‘humble bumble’ and my brain can’t think of anything better. So, on that note, it is time to end our session. Which is lucky as I need to go and make turkey burgers now.

Oh, I thought I would leave you with a silly joke in order to promote some happiness.

Q: Why are pigeons always starting revolutions?

A: Because they go around saying ‘coup coup’ all the time.

Take care buddies,

David.

David’s Thought of the Day 72.

Does anyone else have an issue with headphones not staying in their ears? Or do I have abnormal ear holes? Ear holes is the correct phrasing right? Yeah, sure it is. Attaboy David.

David’s Thought of the Day 71.

Why is the sound of rain falling soothing yet the sound of a tap dripping annoying?